Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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