I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
