Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
