We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
