I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
