before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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