now i know why i became what i already was.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
