dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know her cup size but not her name....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
