I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
