I'm lost and stupid without you.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
