I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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