I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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