I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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