Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
