I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
