Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
