i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
