neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
