The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
