No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
