Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
