If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
