The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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