I want to make a zoo with you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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