Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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