Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
