please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
