So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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