My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
