Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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