his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
