that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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