it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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