My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
