I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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