So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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