my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
