Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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