help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
