Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
