Welp...herpes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
