Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
