I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
