Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
