My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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