Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
