This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
