Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
