He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
