you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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