tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
